Because I'm Really a 12 Year Old

As many have gathered, I enjoy reading bad British Tabloids like the Daily Mail. Occasionally they will have SCIENCE! articles. This morning, I read the following article:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2277954/Japanese-scientists-discover-sea-slugs-RE-GROW-penis-old-drops-sex.html

Okay, I did not actually read the entire article. I read the headline and the first paragraph and started giggling, because I'm obviously about 12 years old. 

Then I made this:

The thought occurred to me that scientists must study the sexual habits of creatures like this just so that they can come up with terms like "penis-in-waiting."

Now excuse me while I go look at something very sad so that I can stop giggling. 

I'll Be Your Best Friend...

Ever since I was little, I have noticed that some people have a "best friend." In elementary school, it was someone who you confided in above others, in high school it was someone who wouldn't steal your boyfriend, and in adulthood, well... I've noticed a lot of people mention a phantom best friend who doesn't ever really make an appearance or who they barely ever talk to OR people suddenly elevating a new friend to the position of "Best Friend" or "Bestie" (The word "bestie" makes me gag, kind of like "hubby") OR it's actually someone who has been their closest friend for a long time and they are always together. That last one is actually the one I see the most rarely. 

When I was in 4th or 5th grade, there was a new student at my school who picked me to be her best friend. She started to get mean when I would talk to other people. She would tell me what to do, then have a tantrum when I resisted. As a natural introvert, I didn't always want to have someone dragging me around and making me do stuff. She was only at the school for about a week before her parents pulled her out. I'm not sure whatever happened to her. I don't think she had any idea what a friend is. At that time in my life, I didn't really have any idea what a friend was either.

I don't have a best friend, and I don't want one. I try to have an equality based social life. I value each and every person who comes in and out of my life.

I have a lot of friends who I love and care about, but I know how it feels to have a friend who is important to me tell me about their "Best Friend." It feels like I'm being rejected, and I could never hope to achieve the type of importance which the "Best Friend" has achieved in their life. It's safest for me to just sort of file that sort of statement. 

If you're my friend, you're my friend and that's that. I'm not going to rank you above or below anyone else. Maybe I only see you once a year. Maybe I see you several times a week. Maybe we mostly chat on Facebook because your life is busy. Maybe I see you at the Y all the time. Maybe I haven't seen you in ages. What would factor into the "Best Friend" ranking system? How would I choose? Is it like with a romantic partner where the feeling has to be mutual? It's too much for me to think about. I guess I wouldn't really want to find out if any of my friends like me less than I like them. I'd rather be blissfully unaware of that one. Having never actually been the most important person in another person's life (I am excluding situations in which that distinction was only used to manipulate me into doing things I otherwise would not have done) I guess I feel perfectly satisfied to stay out of the whole ranking table when it comes to friendship. 

The bottom line is, I'm too old for high school bullshit, so I at least try to be mature in my dealings with others, and leave the immaturity for the coffee shop. 

Random Thoughts When You Have a Cold

Even though I was graced with The Plague the first week of the new year, the germ Gods saw fit to bequeath me with a cold this week.

Yesterday I was at work, feeling fairly knocked out by my cold. Not to say that I was bad off enough to stay home, I was perfectly fine to work, but I had a bit of a sinus headache that was getting worse.

Anyways, I was sitting at work browsing the internet, when I saw a picture of a guy with a large ginger beard modeling a hat or a tee shirt or something. The first thought I had was something to the general effect of: I need to find a guy like that so that I can crawl into his beard and it will keep me warm. It was at this point that I thought it would be a capital idea to leave the office and go home. I did so with my boss's blessing.

Naturally I cannot for the life of me find the picture of the bearded fellow on the internet. Perhaps I imagined him and his magnificent beard. I have decided instead include a picture of Commander Riker from Star Trek the Next Generation.

Double Feature

I went and saw two movies today: Argo and Zero Dark Thirty. I'm not much for stereotypical chick flicks. I like realistic espionage films though. Both of these films delivered. If I had to pick between the two which was a better made film, I'll go with Argo.

First and foremost, I now know why everyone is saying that Ben Affleck was robbed when he wasn't nominated for the Academy Award for best director. Much of the films effectiveness was a direct result of directorial choices made by Affleck. Shooting on film in a 1970's resolution really helped it feel accurate. The use of actual news footage also played heavily into that. The Iran Hostage crisis took place in 1980 when I was 5 years old. It is probably  my earliest memory of Televised news programming. Such a thing is liable to make a person feel a little old, but I'm okay with that. Ben Affleck chose to make a movie which told a compelling story which was classified for many years. A fake movie was devised so that a CIA operative could masquerade as a film producer and bring out 6 Americans who were stranded at the Canadian Embassy in Iran under the cover story that they were a film production crew scouting locations for said fictional film. Argo is an engaging and gripping film which had me at the edge of my seat for about the last half hour.

Zero Dark Thirty was not as good as The Hurt Locker. Then again I think that chocolate ice cream isn't quite as good as a really well made vanilla, but I will still enjoy the chocolate. Zero Dark Thirty is the fictionalized account of the CIA's search for Osama Bin Laden and his eventual capture. This film has some serious sensitive points. It shows American-Made torture methods as being effective in extracting usable information. That bothers people. It bothers me. It doesn't bother me that it was portrayed in the film if that's what really happened. Is that what really happened? Probably. Torture isn't an effective method of extracting information, but it isn't a 100% failure either. In war, your hands get dirty. That's the way it is. Zero Dark Thirty paints a picture of what it might have looked like to be engaged in that search over the last decade. The minor points that I was impressed with, were the anachronisms. Little things that changed in the background as time progressed. The main character was using a Blackberry that would have been on the market in 2008 (Hey kids, I work for phone company. I notice these things). In my opinion, the best performances in the film belonged to Jason Clarke and Mark Strong. Even ignoring the fact that they are both flawlessly faking American dialects, they both put in very strong performances in their respective characters. Likewise, I'm unsure why Jessica Chastain was nominated for an acting award, because her role didn't seem to require a great deal of presence. I mean, she did better than I could, but even so - the role itself just didn't seem to lend itself to an award worthy performance.

Side note: Doctor Who and Torchwood fans, look for John Barrowman. He plays a CIA guy and has two lines.

The next movie I'm going to go see is The Impossible. Almost saw it today, but decide that today was going to be all about espionage.

Adventures in Vegan Dining Out

Superhero card at The Bad Waitress

Friday evening, after attending a fun political event, a couple of friends of mine and I decided to go out for coffee. The political event (Al Franken's holiday party) had food, but I decided against standing in a big long line to find out if there was anything vegan or not; having not eaten at the event, I decided to get something to eat when we went out for coffee at The Bad Waitress. Initially, I was going to get chips and salsa, but when I saw "#20v. - Vegan Cake," a vegan pancake, I decided to give it a try. It was reasonably priced enough to take a risk. That vegan pancake was delicious! As a side note, The Bad Waitress is one of my favorite restaurants in Minneapolis. The reason for this is not just that the "waitresses" are actually very good, but that the chefs never cease to amaze me with their creativity within the greasy-spoon format. The prices are low and the quality is high. The ambiance includes a ton of posters B-Movies, many of which have been featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000, and each table has a Superhero card, which you are to write on your ticket when bringing it up to the counter to pay.

This evening I had a dinner date with a friend of mine, who has recently gone vegan himself (in his case, the intention is that it be permanent). My friend recently mentioned that he misses pizza. I have long been a fan of  Galactic Pizza, and have also long been aware that they have numerous vegan offerings on their menu. This evening, we gave it a try.

Vegan Paul Bunyan Pizza

As an aside, last week I tried store bought vegan "cheese" and found that it was one of the most vile tasting things I had ever placed in my mouth. It ranked up there with Fisherman's Friend Cough Drops and NyQuil. So my expectations for the cheese on the vegan pizza at Galactic Pizza were not that high.

We started our meal with vegan garlic "cheese" bread, and behold! Not only did it not suck, it was actually pretty tasty! This is something I will eat long after I have ended my vegan January. We ordered the Paul Bunyan pizza vegan-style. The Paul Bunyan pizza has vegan "cheese," wild rice, morel mushrooms, and vegan "sausage." The "cheese" was the same product as was on the bread earlier, so that was definitely good. The "sausage" was indistinguishable from meat sausage. It was fantastic.

Vegan Strawberry Cheesecake

Our waiter informed us that Galactic Pizza carries a vegan strawberry cheesecake, and like a good server he went for the up-sell  The servers's diabolical plan succeeded and we each had an order of cheesecake. This stuff was terrific. I'm not going to say it was indistinguishable from real cheesecake, but I will say that it tasted like cheesecake and it was delicious. It was possibly a little fluffier than cheesecake, but I kind of like that quality.

If you are looking for a vegan meal but you really just want to go out for pizza, go to Galactic Pizza. If you're in their delivery area, the delivery driver will arrive in a sustainable electric vehicle and typically will be dressed in superhero attire.

Based upon this experience, I am starting to feel that even after I have ended my vegan adventure, it is greatly possible that I will continue to make vegan choices while dining out, when such choices are available.

Vegan January Status Report

I don't actually miss meat... or eggs... or cheese really. Everything I've managed to eat has been good and satisfying, though honestly, there are a lot of vegan things I've been making at home anyways, so that doesn't surprise me.

My Casserole

This weekend, I made a chickpea casserole in which I substituted peanut butter for tahini (wound up with a Thai peanut sauce vibe) and added copious amounts of Kale. I packaged it up to eat during the week, and I honestly can't really see myself getting sick of it because it's pretty damn tasty. The original recipe is HERE. I doubled the "tahini" (peanut butter) and I left out the basil and parsley due to the fact that I didn't have any. The Kale more than made up for it.  I've also done a vegetable bake with quinoa, and continued my love affair with oatmeal.

Eating out is a little different. I haven't really done a lot of exploration away from the safety of my internet connection, and yes I know that I love across the street from the Ecopolitan, but aside from that once conveniently located totally raw totally vegan restaurant (which I have not tried due to my feeling very weird about purchasing food prepared in the same building where they do colonics), I'm not finding a lot of options where you don't have to irritate your waitress with substitutions of tofu (I still dislike tofu) and fake cheese (not sure yet).

Noodles & Company does have a couple of vegan options: the Japanese Pan Noodles and the Indonesian Peanut Saute. Obviously these are only vegan if you don't add meat. Durr.

Of the restaurants that do offer vegan options, almost none of them are restaurants that my friends like. This is important to me, because I find dining out to sometimes be an important social activity.

I think that for ease of use and for the social aspect, after January is over, I will probably either go back to the type of diet I had before or go vegetarian, because I do feel excellent. It will be interesting to see what changes about my opinion over the next couple of weeks.

Temporary Vegan - Slow Start

Okay so a little while ago I thought it would be a brilliant idea to go vegan for the month of January.

Then I realized that there are many incidental occurrences of non-vegan items in otherwise innocent looking food items, like many breads. So I decided to amend it to "not picky vegan."

Then I got sick.

When I get sick, I crave pizza. The reason for this is that I lose my appetite, then by the time I need to eat, I REALLY need to eat. The fastest way to acquire food is by ordering it. I ordered a medium Black Olive Pizza (shut up. I like black olives, and having worked at Pizza Hut, I know what I'm in for). A friend of mine who has worked for Pizza Hut for some time did point out, however, that what is actually on the pizza may not legitimately qualify as cheese. So aside from that Pizza (and the cinnamon breadsticks with creamy dipping frosting, which is in no way vegan), I have stuck to the whole temporary vegan thing pretty well.

Now that I'm actually eating meals, today's lunch has consisted of Patel's Lentil Curry with brown rice tossed in. Survey says: tasty!

For the record, my actual January resolution is to stick to vegan wherever possible, and vegetarian wherever not possible (or convenient.) I'm not giving up bread because there might be an eggwash, for example.

Movie Weekend

The weekend of December 29 and December 30, 2012 I had one objective, or rather two objectives. I wanted to see the movies Django Unchained and Les Misérables. There could not possibly be two more different movies, but I have some broad (yet specific) tastes.

I made Django Unchained the priority, mostly because I believe that Les Misérables stands a greater chance of staying in the theatres for longer. Fortunately, both were playing at the Lagoon Cinema, which is basically in walking distance of my apartment.

I thought Django Unchained was fantastic, though I really don't know that I can write a review without getting into some really uncomfortable territory, so I'm going to save it. If you know Quentin Tarantino's filmmaking, then you know what you're getting into. Nuff said. If you have never seen another Tarantino movie, then go in expecting amazing dialogue, jokes that you're a little nervous about laughing at, lots of blood and gore and guts, amazing acting, and a little bit of revisionist history.

The next day, I went and saw Les Misérables. I went into it without having seen the stage play (or read the book for that matter). I was familiar with a fair amount of the music just from it having bled into social culture over the years. I thought the movie was fantastic. The fact that everything was sung live was astounding. The performances were all extremely good, though Russell Crowe did not seem to have the vocal chops required for his role, he did play the character well. Because everyone is already talking about the A-Listers who were cast, I'm going to take a moment to highlight the boy who played Gavroche, Daniel Huttlestone. IMDB doesn't show any other credits for him, but I suspect he will be getting more work out of this. He was a lot better than you'd expect from someone that age.

And now, as I am still not feeling 100% (Read: I can't brain today, I have the dumb) I am going to cut this short. I recommend both of these movies, but not to everyone.

Stupid Microbes

On Tuesday, January 1, the first day of 2013, I woke up feeling not all that well. I decided, in the spirit of it being the new year, that I was going to triumph over this little setback and not let it cramp my style.

I went straight for the herbals (which have definitely worked in the past, so don't lecture me on avoiding western medicine) and such and by about 10AM, I was feeling great. I had a big to-go mug of hot tea and was ready to be social!

A couple hours and half a lap around the Mall of America later, I realized that this was not to be. I excused myself from my friends and took the train home.

I called in sick from work the following two days - I call in sick so infrequently that I had to ask someone how to do it. It's apparently not that difficult.

I wish to take this moment to tout the healing properties of Dr. Singha's Mustard Bath. It seems a little strange, but in addition to having detoxifying properties, it is also very relaxing. I took a few of these baths while I was down for the count, and they all made me feel a lot better, even if I just needed to feel better enough to get some sleep. Evidently I am not the only person who thought that this was a good idea, because I wound up buying the last of the supply that The Wedge Co-Op had on their shelves.

I'm still not feeling 100%, but I'm back at work and in the land of the living.