Platitudes Can Bite Me

Platitudes bug me. I mean, the funny one's don't - like in Doctor Horrible when Penny says "Everything happens" - but some of the more popular ones bug the crap out of me.

Everything happens for a reason! I do actually believe that many things happen for a reason, and sometimes bad things do lead to good things if you seek it. I also believe that when someone has just endured a trauma, telling them that only makes you a dick. You mean my kid got shot to death at school the other day for a reason? You're a dick. I lost my leg for a reason? You are a dick. I volunteered to serve my country and now my PTSD is so bad that I can't go watch the fireworks show without having an anxiety attack - for a reason? Go away dick, before I shoot you. Don't go telling people that their trauma has a purpose unless you are absolutely damn sure that you can back it up with data. Even then, saying it still pretty much makes you a dick.

<Insert Deity Here> will never give you more than you can handle! I'm calling bullshit on that one. Lots of people get more than they can handle. People die of having more than they can handle. This is why we need people in our lives who can help, and this is why you need to be a person who helps - so that when you get that shit that you can't handle, maybe someone will come to bat for you and help you handle it. Doesn't always work. As I've discovered (vicariously through others, thankfully) just because you help people who you call your friends, does not mean that they are going to return the favor when you get dealt a bad hand.  If your friend is having a hard time, don't tell them "You'll never be given more than you can handle" - ask them how you can help, and be prepared to do something. You may not be able to do what they ask, but even just opening the door and being genuine is a big big plus. You may be able to help in a way you hadn't thought of.Your help may not be required. Just knowing you're there may be enough. I know that there have been times when just knowing that I had a safety net of friends has been enough to sustain me. There is nothing worse than feeling alone.

So yeah. My attitude towards platitudes of course means that I often have no clue what to say when someone is suffering... because I want to be able to be helpful in some way, and I certainly don't want to be a dick.

Running a 5K in 0 Degree Weather

I live alone. I don't participate in any sort of organized religion that observes Christmas. All the family I care about lives out of state, and although I was invited by a friend for Christmas dinner, since I do not really enjoy being at home for extended periods of time without anywhere to go (and because getting up at 7AM is basically sleeping in for me), I anticipated having cabin fever for the first part of Christmas Day. Because of this, I signed up for the Christmas Day Joyful 5K.

December 25, 2012. I wake up at around 5:45AM (so that I will be awake and ready to go by the time it's time to leave) I check the temperature outside. It's -2. Grand. I check the temperature in St. Paul, and it is for some odd reason 2 degrees warmer. I have never run outdoors below 20 degrees out.

After some deliberation, I figured that lots of people must be doing this 5K, and if they are showing up then I certainly can. I suited up (3 pairs of stretch pants, warm socks, 3 layers on top plus a coat, running gloves, a headband, and my kitty hat) and caught the bus.

When I got to Lake Como, I was kind of early. The problem is that if I had taken the next bus, I would have been late, so early was the only option. Pinning my race bib to my jacket made my fingers freeze to a level which I would consider painful, but I found the heated restroom and ran my fingers under warm water. I basically hung out in the restroom until the start time. A lot of other racers did the same.

At about 5 til, we all left the restroom and went to line up. I was still rather cold, but I was amazed by how many people were in either shorts, light layers, or those Vibram 5 Finger shoes without any socks for additional warmth. After being informed that WCCO was in attendance, the race started. After about the first mile, my entire torso because way too warm, and my hands were warn enough to do without the gloves. I also dispensed with the hat.

My final time for the 5K was 33:30, based upon the informal time clock. It was not chip timed. I would totally do this again. This also taught me that I can indeed run outdoors in extremely cold weather if I am well prepped enough for it.

New Years Resolution - Temporary Vegan - Or: Let's See How Long This Lasts

Since Thanksgiving, I've been giving myself a free pass to indulge in whatever food I want. This has brought me to a point to where I am falling back into the old bad habits of eating when I'm bored, and eating whatever I'm craving regardless of whether or not I actually need it for sustenance  (usually not).

I have heard of more than a few people doing temporary month-long switches to a vegan diet. (for the purposes of this context, I will define the vegan diet as no meat or dairy or animal products - except for my gummi multivitamins, as it is the only multivitamin I have ever managed to remember to take.) My understanding is that Oprah and a lot of her staff did it, which is of course easy when you can hire a private chef to make your food. I have had "vegan days" which I've done to reset myself from days when I've been particularly "bad" and I always feel better on those days. I may not have a private chef, but I live across the street from the Wedge Co-Op which has more vegan options than most places.

Therefore: my goal is to stick to a vegan diet from January 1, 2013 through January 31, 2013. There may be a steak dinner on February 1, 2013.

Tofu. Ish. We hates it.

One degree of difficulty is going to be that I absolutely detest tofu. We hates it, precious, we hates it! Actually I'm not entirely enthused by any non-meat product designed to look and taste like meat (except for the damn tasty black bean burger)... or cheese. Fake cheese just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. It reminds me of those high bouncing balls you used to get from gumball machines (maybe you can still get them, I don't know). I am willing to try tofu prepared by a competent chef (I'll try it at Common Roots cafe) but I'm mostly sticking to rice and beans and lentils and the like.

One degree of simplicity is that I already basically eat a vegan breakfast - nearly all of my pimped out oatmeal recipes are vegan - it's just oats, fruit, nuts, and spices. Another degree of simplicity is that I already like almond milk.

I guess it will be interesting to see how long it takes me before I'm willing to commit a felony to get an ice cream cone. I'll keep you posted.

Humility Served Two Ways

Sunday morning we had a massive snowstorm in Minneapolis. Most people were staying off the roads. I thought it would be an ideal time to go ice skating, since it was likely that there would be very few people on the rink.

I was right.

I'm 37 years old and have only been ice skating for a few years. I'm halfway decent at it - I'm good enough for it to be a workout and not to fall. I'm not good enough to do anything interesting.

This is what a talented figure skater might look like.

As I was skating, I saw a figure skater doing spins and turns and ice-dancing to the bad Christmas music that was being played at the rink. I will never be that good. Maybe because of age, maybe because of physical pre-disposition, maybe because I use hockey skates, maybe because I'm just unwilling to take the chance of falling - but I will never be that good. I'm okay with that. I can possibly learn to do more, and I do intend to learn to be a better skater, but I will never be doing flips and spins and turns. The skater I had observed was most likely not older than 20.

David Tennant as a novice ice skater.

Also as I was skating, I saw a woman, probably older than me - if not, then probably about my age - who was holding the hand rail as she inched by. She was skating about as well as I did my first time, and she was very persistent. I realized that I had learned a lot in the past few years about ice skating, and that I am a much better skater than I was a couple years ago. Ultimately I do it for fun, but getting better at anything requires work and I am actually pretty good at this skating thing.

Humility is knowing what you are - what you have, what you don't have, knowing when you are the best person for a job, when you are the worst person for a job, and not letting any of that make into a depressed gloom cookie or pompous ass. It's harder than it looks. On the ice rink, I had humility served two ways.

Pimp My Oatmeal: Episode Two - There's a Fish In My Oats!

I kind of went off the deep end today for an early lunch. I've done savory oatmeals before, and the basic savory oatmeal I like to make is as follows:

1/2 cup Quick Oats

2 tbsp Hummus

Dill, Garlic, or any spices you like

Salt

1 Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge. 

In making this recipe, you put the spices in with oats and when your water has boiled, everything goes into the pool except for the cheese wedge, which goes on top later. 

And now for something completely wacky, and yes I really did eat this today, and yes it was very good. 

1 piece of white fish

1/2 Cup Quick Oats

1 tbsp Hummus

2 tbsp sour cream

a few carrots (they were in the fridge already chopped)

I baked the white fish in a pan in the oven with no calorie cooking spray and dill. I tossed the carrots in the oven with the fish, why not. 

As the fish cooked, I boiled the water on the stove for the oats and added the oats and my spices of choice (dill, chives, salt), then added the hummus and sour cream until the mixture was smooth. When the fish was done, I added the fish and carrots to the mixture. The fish (being done) crumbled and pretty seamlessly integrated itself into the mixture. 

There you have it, fishy oatmeal. It is actually really tasty.

If you do the first recipe without the cheese wedge, it is vegan. 

I don't have any pictures because I ate it all. 

Musing on Dreams

I have heard that a lot of people don't remember their dreams on a regular basis. I can't relate to that. I remember at least one dream a night, usually more. I don't always remember them in detail, and they rarely make total sense, but I suppose that it would be accurate to state that I dream prolifically.

I will go through phases in which there will be a recurring motif in my dreams. There was a time period where the recurring motif was a movie theater. It was not typically the same movie theater, nor would it be a movie theater as we would know one, but it was always a movie theater and I knew that I was safe in the movie theater. Amusingly, I rarely actually watched a movie there, though I recall one dream in which movies were being shown in a large room on multiple screens. I was more concerned about the acquisition of popcorn in that particular dream. People were talking more loudly than the movies.

At some point (I don't remember because against the recommendation of many professionals, I do not keep a dream diary - some things shouldn't be written down I think) I stopped dreaming about a movie theater and started dreaming about amusement parks, usually Disneyland. Often I would be alone - unless I was with my sister Julia, sometimes these amusement parks would contain a casino. I recall one dream in which I left Disneyland and went to a casino where the slot machines dispensed raw fish. I shoved the raw fish into my purse assuming that it would spend somewhere. I rarely would go on rides at these amusement parks, though I can think of a dream in the last few years in which I went on an amusement park train ride which took me into Chicago then left me there. This segue ways well into the next motif, which is subway stations. I have found myself dreaming that I am running around subway stations either in New York City or Chicago. I always can tell the difference because Chicago's trains talk, and New York City's don't.

I am still dreaming off and on about subway stations, but I have also dreamed about waiting for the bus. I typically don't actually get on the bus.

I dream about people. I dream about people I know (which is kind of why I don't want to write it down). I dream about people who look different from how they look in the waking world, sometimes drastically so, but in the dream I *know* that it is them. It isn't until I wake up that I realize that they didn't look like themselves.

Sometimes it's obvious that a dream is my brain processing things. Sometimes, I think it's a meeting of souls in the ethereal plane. Sometimes, it's just for fun (in other words, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar).

I will probably never keep a dream diary, but I will always be fascinated by my own dreams.

And It Got Cold

I actually really enjoy winter running... if the sidewalks are clear. Unfortunately, when there is snow, even a wee bit of snow, the sidewalks could be icy. Then again, they could not be. Since I don't have the time or energy to walk the entire path to Lake of the Isles (I can safely assume the lake path is alright), Last night I decided to go running at the indoor track at the YWCA like I did last winter.

The indoor track that I run on is the upper level track - that track is 1/6 of a mile. The floor track is used in the Indoor Triathlon - that track is 1/8 of a mile around. Over in the upper right of the picture, where the vending machines are, is where they give out the free coffee and string cheese on race day.

Because I have the first Indoor Triathlon of the season on Decmeber 2 at the Midtown YWCA, it it certainly a good idea to get in some indoor running practice, whether or not I run indoors for the rest of the season.

Besides just being a temperate and dry place to run, the Indoor Track at the YWCA is a great place for people watching. Last year I saw a pair of idiot parents let their kids rollerskate there. I mentioned it to the trainer on duty and she took off running to stop it. Of course there are also the folks who are walking around the track speaking on their cell phones loudly in Arabic. I don't speak Arabic so I don't know what they're talking about, but you can always tell when their conversations become important, because they stop and stand there in the middle of the track to say whatever it is they're saying. I figure I could get irritated, or just jog around them. I choose the latter.

Last night's run reminded me that running on the indoor track is slightly different from running outdoors, and I will need to work my way up to the mileage I'm used to outdoors.

In a related story, I have signed up for a Christmas Day 5K. It's at Como Park, and I plan to take the bus. Because there will most likely not be a gear check, I plan to dress in a utilitarian fashion and grin and bear any cold that I feel on the way in and way out. I'll probably wear the Monster Dash jacket, that bad boy is actually pretty warm - and yet it breathes. If you are reading this and will be participating in the afforementioned race and do have wheels, I would of course appreciate a ride, but I am not harboring any expectations there.

Pimp My Oatmeal - #1 - In the Office

Ever look at an instant oatmeal packet and think that the fact that one packet = one serving is a bit of a joke? I sure have! But what if you don't want two servings of fiber-rich oats for breakfast, or what if you aren't interested in two packets worth of calories... or what if you are just bored with breakfast and want to make a change?

My solution is simple, but takes a little bit of work. This is something which I have done at work multiple times, so all you need is a sharp knife (which I keep in my desk drawer), a packet of oatmeal, a microwavable container, something to cut stuff on, and an apple.

This is the finished product

Dice the apple and put it into your microwaveable container with your oats. Add your water. Eyeball it. Trust me, cooking oats isn't like baking bread. It's not going to fail if you aren't exacting with the measurements, and the apples will add extra moisture. Stir the whole thing up and cook it in the microwave for a few minutes. How many? Till it looks done! This is another thing you eyeball, and why I probably will never have a job writing recipes.

Today I added walnuts. You can pretty much add anything, just keep in mind that if you add something that has it's own moisture, that will reduce the amount of water you will need, and if you add something that sucks moisture (like raisins) you will need more water.

Ta da! Breakfast!

I Needed Coffee Before I Could Handle Making Coffee

This is Tony Stark, he is my Keurig coffee machine.

I picked him up when I moved in June, since it was just going to be me, and I'd always wanted one of these (well, not always, because they haven't always had them, but since I knew what they were...).

Apparently, this morning I was so zonked when I started my coffee that I was able to fill the reservoir, pop in the pod, and hit the start button, but I was not able to remember to put the cup in its place.

Fortunately, the catcher that the coffee cup sits on has just exactly enough space to accommodate a cups worth of coffee.

Amusingly, my thought when I got out of the shower and looked at the coffee machine was "WHERE DID THE COFFEE GO!?!?!?!?!"

Meanwhile, I left my thermos at work today, so tomorrow it's going to be Super America coffee. Hopefully they still have some of that Pumpkin Spice coffee on.

Merry Thanksgiving And Good Will Towards Elves

The "tree" at the Target Store

Last time I posted, I had just come home from Chicago where I saw my sister Celeste and ran a half marathon. This past week was Thanksgiving and Celeste came here to visit. 

We did the usual tourist attractions, like the big giant Target Store downtown (pictured) and the Big Giant Mall. The Wednesday she arrived, we we to the Midtown Global Market and sang a rousing rendition of Horchata by Vampire Weekend, while drinking horchata. We left our balaclavas at home. 

We went to our friend Joe's for Thanksgiving Dinner, which was awesome and entirely devoid of the usual holiday stressors which people tend to assume accompany the holidays. Joe blogged about Thanksgiving here: http://prepwithtwist.blogspot.com/2012/11/and-so-it-begins-holidays-holidays-are.html 

Because the universe has a sense of humor, the 5 day weather forecast before Celeste's arrival indicated that it was going to stay in the 50's. It was in the 60's the day she arrived. Naturally, on Thursday it went down into the 20's and Thursday night it was in the lower teens. I think I need to procure some more blankets.

Friday night we went to the Holidazzle Parade, which can really only be compared to the Main Street Electrical Parade at Disneyland.

I think it's gingerbread.

If you are not a local Minneapolitan, the Holidazzle Parade starts the day after Thanksgiving and runs Thursday - Sunday until Christmas. All of the floats and everyone who marches in it is covered in holiday lights, and there is all kinds of cute. It is also difficult to photograph without an SLR camera. I do not have an SLR camera, so that picture to the left is about as good as it gets. I posted more on Facebook. You can read more about the Holidazzle Parade here: http://www.holidazzle.com/



After the Holidazzle parade, we went to Macy's for their 8th Floor Auditorium display. They used to change it every year, but for the last few years they have been doing A Day in the Life of an Elf (I've been referring to it as more of a horror flick, *Day Of The Elf*). To us locals, it's become a little stale, but attending with someone who has never see it before is a good reminder that it is actually pretty freaking cool. If you would like to know more about the Macy's Display, go here: http://www.uniquelyminnesota.com/activities/macys-8th-floor-display-minneapolis-mn.htm (This site has far better pictures than I was able to take.)

On Black Friday, we succeeded in not purchasing any products. We only purchased services and food: coffee, skating, coffee, coffee, food, coffee, and ice cream. In that order.

Giant Mall trips are incomplete without Joe.

Saturday, on the other hand, we went to the Big Giant Mall, where Celeste embraced the wonder and the splendor of Minnesota's NO SALES TAX ON CLOTHING!!! Seriously, if you need to go clothes shopping, Minnesota is the place to do it. Besides, all the Black Friday sales were still going on.

We finished out Saturday with dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory, and Sunday Morning (noon) Celeste was back on the bus headed home to Evanston, IL.


Next adventure: I signed up for a Christmas Day 5K. Oh boy.

And I Ran I Ran So Far Away

My sister Celeste is going to school at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL. Having searched for a really good excuse to go bug her for a weekend, I decided to run in the Chicago Monster Dash Halloween Half Marathon which was scheduled for October 21, 2012 - not to be confused with the Minnesota race of the same name which occurred on October 27, 2012. 

I got to Chicago a few days before the race and got to bum around Evanston and Chicago. I did some reconnaissance and found the location where the race would be on the preceding Friday, while my sister was busy doing school/work related stuff. Ultimately, this wound up being unnecessary, as all that we really needed to do Sunday morning was follow the other people getting off the Red Line at the Roosevelt stop who were wearing costumes and race numbers. Lesson learned. 

The race was really fun. My favorite costume worn by another person was the 50-something man who was in a Star Trek the Next Generation style Starfleet uniform - Command Red. Hee. I was not in costume, I don't think I could possibly run 13.1 miles in a costume. Sorry kids. 

After the race, we went to Gino's East for deep dish. 

If my sister is still in Illinois next October, I may do this again. If not, hell, I may still do it. I can safely say that I know my way around Chicago!

 

I Stop When It Stops Being Fun

I have a half marathon coming up, end of October. I signed up for the Chicago Monster Dash so I could go see my sister and also do the run. As an aside, I accidentally booked the airfare based upon the Minneapolis date and not the Chicago date (Chicago is 10/21, not 10/27) and discovered that changing plane tickets is spendy business. It's been fixed, though.

I've been asked by numerous people if I would ever do a full marathon. In defense of the askers, most of these folks have actually finished a full marathon, so I consider it to be a more than reasonable question. The answer I have been giving is usually "no." The extended answer really is more of a philosophy than anything - I can run 13.1 miles. I know this to be true, because I've done it. Once a week (weather permitting), I go out and run at least 12 miles. I enjoy this. It's fun. I think that running a whole lot more than that would stop being fun. I also think that running 26 miles as opposed to 13 probably does not give you an exponentially increased health benefit. If I'm not getting paid for it, I'm not getting graded on it, and it isn't necessary to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, the only thing left is: is it still fun? I don't think 26 miles would be very fun.

On the opposite side of the coin, I bought a membership to Vertical Endeavors recently, but I am still just doing the Auto-Belays. I haven't gotten around to getting Belay-Certified yet. Why? Well... I'm still having fun with the Auto-Belays! I know I'll get Belay-Certified eventually, even if just to make it easier on the staff (they won't have to give me a wrist band anymore), but I'm not too concerned about it.

The genesis much of what I do in the physical-activity department really was to develop a healthy lifestyle, burn calories, etc., but the real test as to whether or not I will actually do something and stick with it isn't whether or not it's the most effective exercise for burning calories, or whether or not it's the most badass thing I can do - the real test is: is it fun? And when do I stop? I stop when it stops being fun.

Tattoo

One week ago, I got a tattoo. It was done at Defiant Tattoo on Lyndale, next to Eye of Horus, by a guy named Scot who has magnificent dreadlocks. According to the aftercare handout he gave me, I have one more week before I can go into a pool again.

People told me that it would hurt.

It didn't. Not really - I mean I've had pulled muscles that hurt worse than that, and it doesn't last.

People told me that it would itch.

It hasn't really itched. Not enough for me to feel like scratching it.

So yeah. Tattoo experience: two thumbs up.



I got the tattoo of the White Tree of Gondor from Lord of the Rings. It has symbolism... basically hope springs eternal, all that type of stuff. If you would like to know more, talk to me about it.

It feels like it has always been there, but now it just shows up. That is a pretty damn cool feeling.

I Am Strong

Yesterday morning, I went for a 5 mile run. Yesterday evening, I still had some nervous energy to spend, so I decided to go to Vertical Endeavors for some rock climbing. I usually go in the early afternoon, but yesterday was after 6PM, so it was a little more crowded. I have become fairly skilled with the auto-belays. It's still a challenge, but I'm good enough at it so that I can get to the top of a lot of the routes.

On the second level of the Minneapolis location, there are some slightly more difficult rocky routes in a room where they also have some manual belays. There was a guy there - frat boy type. Beer tee shirt. Probably more product in his hair than any self respecting guy should use (unless you're a greaser, then it's cool). He was attempting a route which was fairly difficult, and after one try he gave up and told his buddy it must have just been really rough.

A photo from Vertical Endeavors website

Once he put the clip back in it's holster, I clipped in and climbed it. Now, I've already done that one before, so I knew I could do it, but it is still a fairly advanced route - requires a lot of fancy leg placement (this dude was taller than me and had longer legs, so he shouldn't have had a problem). After I made it to the top and rappelled down, the look on his face was priceless - it was best described as a judgmental sneer, and yes he made eye contact with me while exhibiting that facial expression. Frat boy judgmental sneer. Love it. Oh I don't give a damn what other people think of me, but I kind of hope I made him feel a little bit uncomfortable. I was smiling and traipsed down to the lower level to attempt one of the really long routes. I didn't make it all the way to the top, but 3/4 is not too shabby. Not too shabby at all.

And this, my friends, is why I have the gun-show going on in my biceps without a weight lifting regimen.

I Think I'm Wired Differently

Being single at this time in my life, the subject of dating has come up with more than one or two of my friends, as obviously I must immediately become coupled again in order to be validated as a human being (snerk).

Minor problem: I hate the notion of dating. Oh sure, since I'm a girl I would most likely be on the receiving end of a free dinner, but I can afford to feed myself and frankly, I don't suffer most men very well. Sorry, it's a fact. There are three kinds of men who I run into:

• Uninteresting guys (like one I met recently who was coming on to me) I will actually just walk away from. This one I walked away from while he was talking. It may make me a bad person, but he annoyed me with his uninterestingness - I mean, there was just nothing there.
• Interesting Enough To Mess With guys - I will basically try to get a rise out of them before I walk away, or maybe chat with them at coffee for a while or whatever. I might be kind of a jerk to them. This sometimes backfires, because they think that I'm actually interested, but I don't care. I honestly really enjoy messing with people. It's a sort of hobby of mine.
• Interesting Enough To Flirt With guys - well that doesn't happen very often to be honest; when it does, I am grievously ill-equipped to handle it, but I try anyways - truth be told, I suck at flirting. I really really seriously suck at it. Those men who fit this bill are usually unique in some sort of way, and have the ability to both 'dish it out' and 'take it.' These guys nearly always find me uninteresting and walk away. *That last part was meant to be humorous.

They say that you should come up with a list of attributes your ideal mate should have. I have somewhat of a list in my head, it's not going here. *Also, not keen on the whole word "mate" as that implies breeding, something which I don't want to do. 

Here is a partial list of things that are important to me on this subject, in no particular order:

• I have difficulty trusting any man who has not watched, or will not admit to having watched pornography. I think it is utterly strange to consider that a guy wouldn't have been exposed to it, and if they won't admit it, well then, they're lying and that's just not cool. If they haven't been exposed to it, I suspect very uninteresting times are to follow.
• I used to have this blanket distrust of all men who wore flip flops.... then I realized my brother wears flip flops (almost exclusively), so I guess it's OK now. I still think it's weird for guys to wear flip flops though. I don't know why.  
• After having had a semi long term relationship with a guy who had a violent aversion to coffee (basically he was just a total dick about the subject and wouldn't even let me have it in the house), it is absolutely essential that any man I give my time to must be a coffee drinker. 
• Smoking - I quit in 2003 when my Asthma got bad. Still, I would rather date a smoker who drinks coffee than a non-smoker who hates coffee. 
• If he doesn't have a bellybutton, I'm not interested. Oh wait that was supposed to be my inside voice... 

That said, I resolve not to post any specifics about anyone I might date on this blog without express permission from such individuals (if they even exist) because I sure as hell wouldn't want someone blogging about their dating experiences with me. I would kind of see it as a violation.

You're Hurting Yourself. Stop it.

I haven't been sleeping a whole lot lately, and that's alright with me because I've been getting enough sleep for my purposes (apparently, since I'm not feeling tired.) I don't have insomnia, everything doesn't feel like a copy of a copy of a copy, I'm not starting a Fight Club with my imaginary friend, I'm just awake and alive and pretty happy about it. My brain has always been one of those that always has some kind of project running in the background; I think a lot, especially lately. I process a lot, and something I have been processing (due to a wide variety of catalysts which have come across in recent weeks) has manifested into this which I am writing now.

Having exited a relationship several months ago, one would think that I wouldn't have any present desire to be involved with anyone again. Logic *should* dictate that I would want to distance myself from that which caused me pain/problems in the interest of self preservation. You know, burning your hand on the stove means you don't touch the stove again. But people are different. Every stove will burn you, but not every person, and we are pack animals, at heart. I suspect that back in caveman days, when the cavemen weren't selling car insurance, they were sleeping in piles or at least in pairs.

So getting to the point:

I have had bad things happen to me. I have had bad things done to me. I have been physically abused, I have been date raped (twice), the guy who tried to forcibly assault me I was able to overpower (big guy too)... but even so... I have been threatened, mind-fucked, and abandoned by people who professed to love me forever. People who were important to me have died of unnatural causes, leaving me to wonder what I could have done.

ANY TIME I let these things keep me from being open to new people, new relationships, new friends, new experiences, I am punishing myself for things that were done to me. Now that doesn't make any kind of sense, does it?

Self flagellation doesn't suit me, so I choose to be open to new, maybe strange, maybe uncomfortable things. Will I get hurt again? Oh, I have no doubt that it will happen. Will I punish myself for it? Nope. I have far too much faith in the All-Father and the Universe to even go there ever again.

I am actually really deliriously freaking happy these days, and nobody will ever get to take that away from me, no matter how much they might want to.

Things I Would Like To Do.... But Won't

Over the years, I have been called many things - some of them have been unkind and downright abusive, but I'm thinking more along the lines of the things I've been called which may have been intended as insults but which I chose to accept with gratitude. I am referring to labels such as: "eccentric" or "weird." Someone with a poor grasp of the English language (non native speaker) said a good nickname for me would be "Zoner" because I lived in the Twilight Zone - granted, I was 11 at the time, but you get the point.

Some of the odder stuff that goes through my head involves things that I would like to do, but most likely never will because of societal norms or because they could get me into some sort of trouble.

• Get a chainsaw and steal a Banksy
• Call a radio station and ask for a Kid Rock song, but forget the title. Tell them: you know, it's that one where he says "my name is Kid?" (This idea happened when he was still popular. I dislike Kid Rock.)
• Go into a Blockbuster and put "Be Kind Rewind" stickers on the DVD's
• Open up a club that specializes in "dress-tease" - you know, where attractive people seductively get dressed on stage! (Tell me that wouldn't turn someone on.)
• Select "Alabama Song" at a Karaoke Bar and change the lyrics to "show me the way to the next sushi bar..." 
• Get scuba gear and sit at the bottom of the pool at the Y for a couple hours. 
• Start wearing a cape... every day. (I have a cape... I might wear it in the Monster Dash, but I haven't decided).
• Sit in the stall of a large public restroom and play the sound file associated with the camera on my phone over and over again while making ... sounds.
• Appear to carry on an intelligent conversation with zoo animals, get irritated when bystanders want me to move so they can see the Tiger
• Les Miserables flash mob in front of the Government Center. (ala: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYizXBQ5EQA )... side note, I just watched that whole thing and need a kleenex now. 
• Take humorous targets to the firing range: printouts of iPhones being my main interest

I'm sure there are more things that I'd like to do but never will... but I can't think of any right now, because I'm contemplating the logistics of that Les Miz flash mob. Would we get arrested? Hmmmmmm.....

Why Spiritual Tradition Is Important To Me

In 1997, I took a Level 1 Reiki class in LaCrosse, WI. In 1999, I took Level 2. I did not go for Master Level.

The things that I was taught were EXTREMELY IMPORTANT about Reiki was as follows:

• The symbols are never to be depicted on paper or in any visual method, if they are drawn, they must be burned. 
• The most important thing is to honor your lineage. You should be able to trace yourself back to Mikao Usui (basically your master was initiated by ___, who was initiated by ___... and so on). If you can't do this, then you can't be sure you've been attuned properly are are not offering the minimal respect which the energy deserves. (I can trace my lineage: Me -> CN Rodgers -> Michael Hartley -> Phyllis Furumoto -> Hawayo Takata -> Chujiro Hayashi -> Mikao Usui)
• Master level involved living with a Reiki Master for something like a year

The things that I am finding in the 21st Century

• Books are publishing the Reiki symbols
• It's trendy to get them tattooed (this horrifies me)
• People don't know jack about their lineage
• You can become a master in one day!

Now... I believe that ANY path a person is led to, they are led towards that path for a purpose and it is right and good for them. I also believe that when you participate in a tradition, a ritual, or anything that has some type of history with it, it is a show of basic respect to adhere to the tradition as it has been laid out. Example: I went to a solstice drum jam last December. It was based upon Siberian Shamanism. We were blessed by the Reindeer Goddess. It was pretty awesome. Do I actually believe that I was blessed by a Reindeer Goddess? No, but I felt blessed and like a beautiful child of the universe, and if I was ever to participate in that tradition, I would participate with full adherence to the tradition. Tradition is important. It generates an energy of its own. 

I haven't made a secret of the fact that presently I am feeling drawn to Odin The All-Father. My actual belief is that God Is Really Big, I Mean, We Are Impressed Down Here, Let Me Tell You. So very very big that there is room for all interpretations. Spirituality is like a fingerprint. I can no more tell you how to perceive The Universe or All That Is, than you can tell me how to perceive it. I categorically reject most Judeo/Christian interpretations as not being relevant to me - but if I am in a situation to where I am in a church participating in some sort of thing, I am respectful of the thing and I don't bitch about it. I feel a very Pagan type of spiritual connection in my blood right now, so I roll with it. I have participated in some rituals and events. The respect and the honor of the previously established tradition provides a certain continuity of energy that reaches back before my time and reaches forward past my ending. It's a very groovy thing. 

So back to the Reiki thing - am I irritated that people are led to watered down versions of something which I was once a part of? Meh, maybe a little..., but that's my issue and I'm working on it. What really saddens me is that some of the basic tradition has been lost. Once an oral tradition goes by the wayside, it can never come back again. Change is a natural part of existence, but there is something to be said for honoring longstanding traditions. 

Why I'm Not Googling You

I am an expert skip-tracer. I can find any dirt about anyone on the internet. I'm extremely good at it. I do it for work on a fairly regular basis, and if someone finds themselves in some kind of legal peril or suspects someone of criminal activity, I will ALWAYS help.


I do not use this "superpower" in my personal life. I don't search friends, family members, I sure as hell don't search men I'm interested in (downright creepy) - not just because your web presence might not reflect your actual personality, not just because I don't want to judge people based upon what's written about them or based on their past.



There are two reasons why I'm not searching you. 

• I might find something that will hurt me. Criminal background, those furry porn pictures that someone posed you in while you were drunk, your Craigslist listing of a used sex-swing... Okay those last two might make me laugh, but even so. I'm a face to face kind of person (as much as I hurl myself around on Facebook, I really am, and if I want to know you, I'll talk to you. It's that simple.)
• It's addictive. I get an adrenaline rush when I find what I'm looking for. At work when I get asked to find information on someone to support something that the legal department is looking for - when I find that puzzle piece that can quantify everything? I feel like a genius and I do a happy dance in my head. When I find video that proves something? I feel like you feel going down the incline on a good rollercoaster. I don't need to be doing that at home. At all. 

There is one reason why I might go ahead and search you.

• If I don't know what happened to you. If it's been years and years, and one day I start thinking of you and wondering, 'I wonder what happened to ____'?

This morning, I was thinking about a woman named Linda, who during the late 90's was kind of a spiritual mentor to me. She helped me a lot just by being on the other end of the phone during a really rough time, though I never actually met her in person. She didn't know I was drinking, but she did help me to feel that it was possible to believe in something outside of myself that was loving and not, at the minimum, laughing behind my back. I knew she had lived in Fergus Falls, so I googled her name and city. I also knew she was ill and had already outlived her diagnosis, so this was not a total surprise. 

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/santafenewmexican/obituary.aspx?n=linda-r-haukos&pid=144839648#fbLoggedOut

Rest in Peace, Linda, you were good.

On "Love Songs"

Most love songs make me want to barf. I remember once seeing an interview with Michael Stipe in which he explained why up til REM did Out of Time, he didn't write love songs. He claimed that they were manipulative, making people aspire to emotions which they didn't actually have - or worse actually think they felt them. Out of Time is the first place in which you see REM producing love songs, however they are a bit on the non-sequitur side, which is kind of why I like them. 

So speaking of segueways, the first in my list of favorite songs about, ah, matters of the heart, is Country Feedback (you thought I would pick Losing My Religion, didn't you. Ha.) Country Feedback is about the absolute psychotic and sad demise of what sounds to have been a fairly long term relationship. Lets say I've been there. Multiple times. But I'm feeling much better now. 

The second in my list is far more hopeful and positive. Thought I'd get the negative out of the way right away. This was one of my favorite songs when I was 14, and it is still one of my favorite songs. It's a very unusual odd song of love by Talking Heads called "This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)." It features such great lines as "out of all those kinds of people, you've got a face with a view."

I realized that this next one was actually a love song when I saw Neil Young do it live. The link I have below is a 27 minute version, lots of guitar. The crux of it though is the chorus "...and with you, I fear no hidden path." That's powerful, and I would very much like to feel that way. You don't have to watch the whole thing. I mean, it's very very long. But if you enjoy Neil playing Old Black and didn't get to see him on this tour, then by all means, that's what the video is there for. T

And now another turn for the weird: One of my favorite songwriters of all time is Robyn Hitchcock. He can be alternately funny and heartbreakingly serious. He has several songs that fit into this category that I find to be particularly awesome, however since I already got the depressing out of the way, I'm settling on Satellite, which includes the line, "I'm into you so far, I'm out the other side." Love it. 

There are probably more... but I suddenly feel the need to listen to some Ministry to cleanse my palate. 

Sappy McSappy Pants

I've been posting a lot of links to songs on Facebook lately that are more on the hardcore side of my personality.

I opened up a browser on my work computer this morning that auto launched what I was looking at yesterday, and it was one of those songs that when I'm really tired kind of makes me all weepy and shit.

So this post is dedicated to songs which impact me on an emotional level... hit below the belt if you will. Ow.

This is not, by any means, a complete list.

Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise by The Avett Brothers. I think the line that gets me is "If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected." I have a deep fear of rejection and of being unloveable, so this gets me where it hurts. It's something that I want to believe.

Dawes - A Little Bit of Everything. Thank The Current for this one, because I don't even have the album. I'm not even exactly sure why this gets to me, I think it's the line at the end of the song: "All these psychics and these doctors/Theyre all right and theyre all wrong,/Its like trying to make out every word,/When they should simply hum along,/Its not some message written in the dark,/Or some truth that no ones seen,/Its a little bit of everything." it kind of encapsulates my world view in a sense. Maybe it makes me a dilettante, I don't care.

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass. If you know me, then this should be obvious. I know it's a fun band and it's a fun song, and they seem to be all about fun, but it still makes me a little bit dewey eyed. I think it's joy. 

Jason Isbell - Dress Blues -  Saved the best for last, because if you don't get emotionally impacted by this, I don't want to talk to you. There is a studio version, but this is the version that kills me. I've seen him do it live. If you only watch one of these, watch this one. 

In Which Cynthia Writes a Poem

I used to write poetry all the time when I was a kid, but I kind of gave it up at some point. I was free associating while listening to music this evening, and below is the result.

********

I remember once
when I used to sleep
and not get up
and dust filled the bed
and it was fine
and good

I remember feeling nothing
nothing
nothing at all
and I remember everything.

Feeling nothing
that hollow feeling
nothing
like a loud quiet
one can only bear it for so long
before falling into madness

I remember once
or twice
when I used to sleep
only when the chemicals had taken hold

I remember once
a long long time ago
sleeping on a hard wood floor
and dreaming of nobody in particular
no time for hangovers
time to make the donuts

I remember once
waking up
next to someone
who didn't return my affection
it was awkward
fortunately he was a heavy sleeper

I remember once
when I used to sleep
and sleep
and sleep
and sleep
and have dreams of twisted corridors
with no possibility of end

I remember waking up
and I never want to sleep again.

I Just Like To See It Live

I love live music. There, I said it and I'm glad. I love live music a lot more than just sitting down and listening to it. What I listen to while I'm running, for example, is not what I'd go see live.

I have been to two Ozzfests, both involved a surprise for me since I was basically there to see Ozzy (OY! OY! OY!)

The first Ozzfest I went to, I was hanging out by the press area, and BS'ing with this tall bald guy with weird piercings. Didn't know who the hell he was, but he was pretty memorable because of the fang piercings. Later that day, when Disturbed came on stage, I discovered it was David Draiman. That was a hell of a show too.

The second Ozzfest I went to, I went to the restroom during Limp Bizkit (because that's where you should be when Limp Bizkit is playing) then made my way forward after and got to see System of a Down. They were truly incredible. They had passion, heart and soul, and they did a Billy Joel cover. I bought their album and couldn't completely get into it though. (I think Toxicity is a great song though).

I haven't been back to Ozzfest, as I haven't had a ride and haven't run with people who would want to go with me. I'm not unhappy.

Another artist I've seen live twice and bought tickets to see again is Steve Vai. Steve Vai is, all things considered, a genius. He's classically trained and can transcribe rock guitar music. He is amazing to watch. I can't just sit down and listen to his albums (though I can listen to Whispering a Prayer all night long).

I love a good Psychobilly Freakout. I've seen Rev. Horton Heat once. Unfortunately the person I was with was in a contagiously pissy mood and I was not happy with the crowd, but if I could attend with someone who was willing to protect me from falling drunks, I would LOVE to see The Reverend again. Unfortunately, sitting down and listening to him is not quite the same. *le sigh*

I also saw an incredibly good Les Claypool show some years back. (It was at the Quest, that pretty much dates it). I do have a copy of Sailing the Seas of Cheese, but shouldn't everybody?

You May Not Have My Sweat

It is a cultural norm to downplay normal bodily functions in women in mixed company, or even within our own little woman-y company (yes boys, we all get together and talk about tampons, or worse... YOU). I am  actually not going to talk about anything which I find gross, I am talking about sweat.

Woman don't sweat, they glisten. They glow. They ... well ... anything but sweat! That's gross, because we're supposed to look awesome without looking like we're making an effort, right? Women can't be gross and still be women, right?

No.

I earned my sweat, and I'm going to keep it. I work hard and I sweat. I sweat through my clothes. Have you ever had sweat in your eyes? I have. It's painful, but it goes away. I refuse to allow modern culture to take my sweat away from me any more than I will allow a surgeon to tighten the loose skin from my weight loss*. That is mine. It's a badge of honor. It's proof that I won, and you are not invited to airbrush it away.

And while you're at it, go make me some pie.


*that said, not opposed to a good OTC product... just sayin...

An Important Consideration if You Run the Chain of Lakes

Lake of the Isles

I like to run parts or all of run the Chain of Lakes in Minneapolis. The Chain of Lakes (as I experience it) consists of Lake of the Isles, Lake Calhoun, and Lake Harriet. I listed them in order of proximity to my home. Consequently, I tend to run Lake of the Isles the most often and Lake Harriet the least often. 



In spite of the fact that proximity dictates that I should favor Lake of the Isles, this lake is probably the least friendly when it comes to facilities (except for during winter when the warming house is up for the ice rink) - they have one pair of Biffy's (port-o-poddys) and they're usually pretty nasty. Lake Calhoun is a little better, as they have more Biffy's around the lake,and a restaurant with walk in restrooms, which are old and not in the greatest repair, but they do have several water fountains. 


Lake Harriet, the farthest from me, has brand new restroom facilities and a brand new restaurant, which I have yet to try because I tend not to want to eat when I'm in the middle of a run.  

Lake Calhoun

Lake Harriet

Lake Harriet can also boast a top notch water fountain - the newer type with both a place to drink from AND a place to set down your water bottle for a refill... and the water is cold! This may not sound like much but when you are running and need a refill in your water bottle on a hot day, it's golden. 

My understanding is that Lake Harriet's new restaurant is called Bread and Pickle (http://www.breadandpickle.com/). As I said, I have not eaten there, but they are well reviewed and they look pretty snazzy. The facility is clean, and from the look of the website, it's more than just cheeseburgers and soft serve. 

While we're here, I would like to briefly touch on another amenity of the chain of lakes, and that is the reasonably priced canoe/kayak rentals provided by Wheel Fun Rentals (www.wheelfunrentals.com/listlocations/97). One of the great things that I love about Minneapolis is that you can take the city bus to a lake and get on a canoe and see nature. It's one of the magical mystical things about this fair city!

Hot In Minnesota

Fargo isn't even in MN

I live in Minneapolis, MN. When people who are not from Minnesota think of Minnesota, they usually imagine a frozen wasteland of frozenness, and for a part of the year, they are actually correct. Things do get very cold here during the winter. There are those debilitating yet amazing days when the air temperature is cold enough and the humidity is high enough to create a phenomenon known as "Sun Dogs." This is a magnificent phenomenon to witness in person. 

Sun Dogs

We have snow emergencies, wind advisories, blizzards, and enough people have had their cars towed for plowing so that it isn't really that huge of a surprise to most when it happens. This is part of the year in Minnesota. Additionally, during our winters, the sun can start to set before 4 in the afternoon. 








There is also a part of the year known as Summer, which occurs after that three day period referred to on calendars as Spring. During this period, we experience sunlight that goes past 9:00PM, and massive doses of heat and humidity. Every day isn't horrifyingly hot and humid, but it's kind of how every winter day isn't sub zero. There are a lot of pleasant winter days and a lot of pleasant summer days. 

Movie Theatres have the best Air Conditioning.

Today is not going to be one of those super-pleasant summer days, however. Today there will most likely be lots of sunburns and the ER will be filled with people suffering from heat exhaustion and dehydration. While an air conditioned movie theatre would be my first choice in a perfect world, I have other plans this afternoon which include spending time in an indoor swimming pool. 


Today is one of the days when I can really appreciate the merits of living in a studio apartment. I did not leave my Air Conditioner on, in fact I didn't turn it on at all. It only takes about 15 minutes for the thing to completely cool the space, and my cat has an aversion to the sound it makes. An open window provides plenty of ventilation, and that cat is always hiding in dark places anyways. I may get away with the lowest power bills I've had in years!

My Phone Has An MP3 Player

I knew my Samsung Galaxy SII had an MP3 player when I bought it, though "bought" is a bit strong of a word for a refurb that I got for a penny, but they *did* run my card, so it qualifies as a purchase.

As a side note, I did not get the Skyrocket. I did not get the Skyrocket because I did not want to get "Afternoon Delight" stuck in my head every time I went to pick up my phone. The HSPA enhanced backhaul is more than enough "G" for my phone.

I used to go for runs with an FM radio in my ears. I still do from time to time, but for the past I-don't-know-how-long, I've been running without music of any kind. The other day I decided that it would be a good idea to listen to the MP3's that I had stored on the memory card in my phone. I wound up listening to Sex Bomb by Tom Jones, Renegades of Funk by Rage Against The Machine, Run Runaway by Slade, and a whole lot of Cake.

Today I decided to throw more music on the memory card. This happened after my morning run, because my morning run commenced at about 5:00 AM. I dragged and dropped a lot of stuff on there, then when I was done with work and I walked downtown to see a movie, I plugged in. If you don't manually set up a playlist, the Galaxy SII will just throw the MP3's out at random. The soundtrack to my afternoon involved the following songs, pictured below for your listening pleasure:

(Yeah, it's French language punk)

I like listening in this format, and it means buying less tangible items that are going to take up space. I am going to need to get some newer music downloaded to my phone though, I need not to be stuck in the 80's/90's. 

On The Duality of Film & Why I Will Always Watch Movies

I've seen The Avengers 9 times. I'm not embarrassed. It's an escape. Not that I'm really escaping "from" anything, but it's an escape into something. It's probably one of the most perfect films of it's genre that I've ever seen. No wasted dialogue or action. Everything moves the film forward. It's funny, it's serious, it's filled with excellent actors all bringing their A game, it's well thought out, and it never ever drags. There is one continuous shot during the big climactic battle scene which has no dialogue but tells the story of the battle in such a way as to move the plot forward, further develop the characters, and put focus on the bigness of it all. It's a moving comic book, and it's outstanding. I may even see it again before it leaves the theatres for good.

The Avengers was obviously made with a great deal of love for the source material, as were all of the movies leading up to it, and as will the films that follow, I have no doubt. I will see them all, probably more than once. I saw Watchmen 5 times. I saw the first Sherlock Holmes movie (the Guy Ritchie one) at least 5 times (I have a lot of reverence for the source material on THAT one). I saw Pulp Fiction twice, I saw Kill Bill several times (both parts). I'm pretty sure I saw The Matrix at least 5 times because it was playing at the $2 theatre for what seemed like an eternity. I also adore Star Trek.  I'm at a loss for more examples right now, but I think there is this special class of great fun movies, movies that aren't going to bring about any deep enlightenment and probably don't qualify as high art, but will send you out of your own world into another one so that you can leave your problems behind for 2 or so hours then come back excited.

This is not the only reason why I watch movies.

Last night I watched a movie that I had not previously heard of called Sunshine. It was made in 2007, and I found it when I was playing IMDB "click a random link see what you find." I'm pretty sure that I found it when I was looking at Chris Evans' IMDB profile to see if they had thrown up a release date for an Avengers sequel yet (no, too many movies til then). I clicked on it because I wanted to know what a film called Sunshine would be about.

Sunshine (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448134/) is a science fiction film made in 2007 about a group of astronauts from the future on a mission to detonate a bomb into the dying sun in order to save humanity. Based upon that premise, I quickly located a digital copy for viewing. This is not one of those fun science fiction escape films where people have superpowers which cannot be explained, or the food comes out of a replicator. This is a dirty ship with people who are uncomfortable with one another, sweating and getting in fights and complaining about the food. This is a ship where the oxygen supply is dependent upon an onboard garden, and it ends up being a suicide mission. This is a film which can be best described as being psychologically and emotionally draining. I swear that in the last 20 minutes, I was a puddle of goo. I didn't bother with Kleenex.

I'm going to take this moment to step out of that film and talk about what triggers emotional response and how those emotional responses differ. I have cried during nearly every Steven Spielberg film (even Poltergeist). Steven Spielberg is aces at creating scenes which WILL make you react emotionally. He must have a PhD in making people cry. "Romantic" movies don't often make me weepy. (Eg. this movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1700844/ just made me want to yell at both of the main characters. It was extremely well acted, I just saw way too much willful dysfunction in the characters to feel particularly sorry for either one of them, and had trouble understanding why the story was worth telling.) Then again, when I am invested in characters after a long period of time, then their exploits tend to have more of an emotional impact - example: I was a puddle of goo for the last 20 minutes of the Series Finale of Deep Space Nine.

Back to "Sunshine" - why was I a puddle of goo? The way in which the screenwriter highlighted the psychology and the spirituality and the magnitude of what they were doing both on a personal and a universal level... the way in which it was acted and shot... made the viewer (at least me) feel like I was traveling with the characters and wondering how much of a mess I would be in that situation I was breathless and tears were falling freely out of my eyes with out my even really openly acknowledging them. It's not oh noes, the object of my affection doesn't luv me so I'm going to end it all!  - it's  - Oh. We are all going to have to die to complete our mission and save the world. Chew on that for a moment. By the way, there is a spiritually crazed lunatic trying to kill everyone on board. No time to ponder, time to start running.

So there is this fantastic duality to film - of course one film can be both an escape and high art, but that is honestly usually not the case. The clearest distinction is - if a film makes me a little bit uncomfortable, it's probably high art. If a film doesn't make me feel the least bit uncomfortable, then it's probably an escape*.

To further clarify the distinction, I have made a little list:
High Art:

• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Lost in Translation
• Event Horizon
• Into the Mouth of Madness
• Fight Club
• Brazil
• Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
• A Clockwork Orange

Escapist:

• The Avengers (all the Marvel movies, saving space by not listing)
• Superman
• Star Wars
• Midnight In Paris (Woody Allen is of course an artist, but this film is ABOUT escape.)
• The Illusionist 
• Pulp Fiction (anything by Quentin Tarantino, even though he is a consummate artist, I escape into his art)
• Sin City 
• Spy Kids
• Once Upon a Time In Mexico (are you a Mexi-can or a Mexi-can't? - video below for giggles)

*There is one line in The Avengers that makes me a bit uncomfortable, but that's only because I'm aware that the word "quim" is basically a Victorian way of calling a person the C word that rhymes with Hunt. I don't know that most people are hip to that jive, though the actors obviously were. 

Be Good or Be Convenient?

So I am in a bit of a self-imposed quandry. 

When I moved into my new place, I left the coffee maker behind. This time of year, I'm not huge on hot coffee, so it didn't seem like a big deal. (Besides, it was a $14 Wal Mart coffee maker.)

Since moving, I have become far more contentious about recycling. I've found that far more than half of my trash can go into the recycle bin. I've discovered also that even though I have an Air Conditioner, because the apartment is so small, I don't really need to use it for more than 10-15 minutes at a time if it is really murderously hot inside. 

Since I already don't own a car, I think that I probably have a teeny tiny carbon footprint. That's good!

I am considering buying a Keurig Coffee machine. 

Problem: you cannot recycle the K-Cups. But it's so convenient, brew one cup of coffee at a time! Brew different flavors! You can even do hot chocolate or tea! It's great! But you cannot recycle the K-Cups. 

The Keurig corporation seems to have a focus on social responsibility - http://www.keurig.com/social-responsibility - it looks like there may be some options in the future... and the cardboard box the K-Cups come in *is* recyclable. 

The sticking point: I really want one, and I can afford it. 

The way my mind works is that I do get "being good" points for the recycling I'm already doing, rarely running my Air Conditioner, and not driving. Therefore, there is a very good chance that I will be getting a Keurig machine.

On Being A Swimsuit Model and on Celebrity In General

About a month ago, the YWCA asked if I was at all interested in being a "featured member" I said "sure" without really thinking about it. One afternoon, a woman with the YWCA showed up by the pool with her camera to take my picture. She took about 100 pictures. Some of the pictures showed me standing by the pool, and others had me in the pool. The one they used (right)

shows me actually in the pool. I was given directions such as "look like you're going to start swimming" So I looked like I was going to start swimming, and the picture they used is the result of that.

Yes I am wearing a Dolfin "Uglies" Halloween Pumpkin suit.

I made a point of not mentioning it to a lot of people because I wanted to see if anyone noticed. People did actually notice - there are a couple of snapshots on Facebook in which I was tagged.

A few people noticed too much and wouldn't shut up about it. This leads me into my point of view on celebrity. Now, I'm not saying that I think this gives me any sort of celebrity status, but it plays into how I tend to perceive celebrity.

When I was in Jr. High (late 80's), I was a big fan of Gilda Radner. I read her book, "It's Always Something." Unfortunately, I read it shortly after she passed away. The book struck me because here was this person who was larger than life in so many ways, writing about the gory details of her cancer treatment, her crush on Gene Wilder (obviously before they started dating), everything. It was about then that I really formulated the whole point of view that famous people, actors, singers, musicians, artists, etc. all wake up in the morning and go to bed at night (depending on their schedule). They get colds, they accidentally eat something that doesn't agree with them and end up in the bathroom when they'd rather not be, they pull muscles, they fall in love, they end relationships, they lose loved ones, they adopt pets, and they have to find a way to react to the attention they get.

Twitter has given famous type people an outlet to interface directly with fans. Some handle it really fabulously well while obviously keeping up a logical barrier between their public and private lives, and some not so much. I've responded to tweets from famous people who I don't know personally. I've never received a response, but I don't really think that's a big deal. It's just like when I get a response from someone I don't know. I usually file it.

There is a mystery about people who are larger than life, but I try to keep it in perspective. If I had been embarassed about the idea, I wouldn't have agreed to take the pictures for the Y. On the same token, the times I've gone on stage and played guitar, if I was embarassed about that, I wouldn't have done that either. All the same, I still feel that slight discomfort when someone I don't know, or someone I don't know well starts telling me that they liked my song, picture, what have you. It's just a weird feeling. I imagine that <insert famous type person here> never truly gets used to the attention and may also experience that, probably a lot stronger than I ever have.

Which reminds me... I have been playing my guitar a bit lately. I might have even started writing a new song. Hooray for re-established guitar callouses and creativity!