Platitudes Can Bite Me

Platitudes bug me. I mean, the funny one's don't - like in Doctor Horrible when Penny says "Everything happens" - but some of the more popular ones bug the crap out of me.

Everything happens for a reason! I do actually believe that many things happen for a reason, and sometimes bad things do lead to good things if you seek it. I also believe that when someone has just endured a trauma, telling them that only makes you a dick. You mean my kid got shot to death at school the other day for a reason? You're a dick. I lost my leg for a reason? You are a dick. I volunteered to serve my country and now my PTSD is so bad that I can't go watch the fireworks show without having an anxiety attack - for a reason? Go away dick, before I shoot you. Don't go telling people that their trauma has a purpose unless you are absolutely damn sure that you can back it up with data. Even then, saying it still pretty much makes you a dick.

<Insert Deity Here> will never give you more than you can handle! I'm calling bullshit on that one. Lots of people get more than they can handle. People die of having more than they can handle. This is why we need people in our lives who can help, and this is why you need to be a person who helps - so that when you get that shit that you can't handle, maybe someone will come to bat for you and help you handle it. Doesn't always work. As I've discovered (vicariously through others, thankfully) just because you help people who you call your friends, does not mean that they are going to return the favor when you get dealt a bad hand.  If your friend is having a hard time, don't tell them "You'll never be given more than you can handle" - ask them how you can help, and be prepared to do something. You may not be able to do what they ask, but even just opening the door and being genuine is a big big plus. You may be able to help in a way you hadn't thought of.Your help may not be required. Just knowing you're there may be enough. I know that there have been times when just knowing that I had a safety net of friends has been enough to sustain me. There is nothing worse than feeling alone.

So yeah. My attitude towards platitudes of course means that I often have no clue what to say when someone is suffering... because I want to be able to be helpful in some way, and I certainly don't want to be a dick.

Running a 5K in 0 Degree Weather

I live alone. I don't participate in any sort of organized religion that observes Christmas. All the family I care about lives out of state, and although I was invited by a friend for Christmas dinner, since I do not really enjoy being at home for extended periods of time without anywhere to go (and because getting up at 7AM is basically sleeping in for me), I anticipated having cabin fever for the first part of Christmas Day. Because of this, I signed up for the Christmas Day Joyful 5K.

December 25, 2012. I wake up at around 5:45AM (so that I will be awake and ready to go by the time it's time to leave) I check the temperature outside. It's -2. Grand. I check the temperature in St. Paul, and it is for some odd reason 2 degrees warmer. I have never run outdoors below 20 degrees out.

After some deliberation, I figured that lots of people must be doing this 5K, and if they are showing up then I certainly can. I suited up (3 pairs of stretch pants, warm socks, 3 layers on top plus a coat, running gloves, a headband, and my kitty hat) and caught the bus.

When I got to Lake Como, I was kind of early. The problem is that if I had taken the next bus, I would have been late, so early was the only option. Pinning my race bib to my jacket made my fingers freeze to a level which I would consider painful, but I found the heated restroom and ran my fingers under warm water. I basically hung out in the restroom until the start time. A lot of other racers did the same.

At about 5 til, we all left the restroom and went to line up. I was still rather cold, but I was amazed by how many people were in either shorts, light layers, or those Vibram 5 Finger shoes without any socks for additional warmth. After being informed that WCCO was in attendance, the race started. After about the first mile, my entire torso because way too warm, and my hands were warn enough to do without the gloves. I also dispensed with the hat.

My final time for the 5K was 33:30, based upon the informal time clock. It was not chip timed. I would totally do this again. This also taught me that I can indeed run outdoors in extremely cold weather if I am well prepped enough for it.

New Years Resolution - Temporary Vegan - Or: Let's See How Long This Lasts

Since Thanksgiving, I've been giving myself a free pass to indulge in whatever food I want. This has brought me to a point to where I am falling back into the old bad habits of eating when I'm bored, and eating whatever I'm craving regardless of whether or not I actually need it for sustenance  (usually not).

I have heard of more than a few people doing temporary month-long switches to a vegan diet. (for the purposes of this context, I will define the vegan diet as no meat or dairy or animal products - except for my gummi multivitamins, as it is the only multivitamin I have ever managed to remember to take.) My understanding is that Oprah and a lot of her staff did it, which is of course easy when you can hire a private chef to make your food. I have had "vegan days" which I've done to reset myself from days when I've been particularly "bad" and I always feel better on those days. I may not have a private chef, but I live across the street from the Wedge Co-Op which has more vegan options than most places.

Therefore: my goal is to stick to a vegan diet from January 1, 2013 through January 31, 2013. There may be a steak dinner on February 1, 2013.

Tofu. Ish. We hates it.

One degree of difficulty is going to be that I absolutely detest tofu. We hates it, precious, we hates it! Actually I'm not entirely enthused by any non-meat product designed to look and taste like meat (except for the damn tasty black bean burger)... or cheese. Fake cheese just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. It reminds me of those high bouncing balls you used to get from gumball machines (maybe you can still get them, I don't know). I am willing to try tofu prepared by a competent chef (I'll try it at Common Roots cafe) but I'm mostly sticking to rice and beans and lentils and the like.

One degree of simplicity is that I already basically eat a vegan breakfast - nearly all of my pimped out oatmeal recipes are vegan - it's just oats, fruit, nuts, and spices. Another degree of simplicity is that I already like almond milk.

I guess it will be interesting to see how long it takes me before I'm willing to commit a felony to get an ice cream cone. I'll keep you posted.

Humility Served Two Ways

Sunday morning we had a massive snowstorm in Minneapolis. Most people were staying off the roads. I thought it would be an ideal time to go ice skating, since it was likely that there would be very few people on the rink.

I was right.

I'm 37 years old and have only been ice skating for a few years. I'm halfway decent at it - I'm good enough for it to be a workout and not to fall. I'm not good enough to do anything interesting.

This is what a talented figure skater might look like.

As I was skating, I saw a figure skater doing spins and turns and ice-dancing to the bad Christmas music that was being played at the rink. I will never be that good. Maybe because of age, maybe because of physical pre-disposition, maybe because I use hockey skates, maybe because I'm just unwilling to take the chance of falling - but I will never be that good. I'm okay with that. I can possibly learn to do more, and I do intend to learn to be a better skater, but I will never be doing flips and spins and turns. The skater I had observed was most likely not older than 20.

David Tennant as a novice ice skater.

Also as I was skating, I saw a woman, probably older than me - if not, then probably about my age - who was holding the hand rail as she inched by. She was skating about as well as I did my first time, and she was very persistent. I realized that I had learned a lot in the past few years about ice skating, and that I am a much better skater than I was a couple years ago. Ultimately I do it for fun, but getting better at anything requires work and I am actually pretty good at this skating thing.

Humility is knowing what you are - what you have, what you don't have, knowing when you are the best person for a job, when you are the worst person for a job, and not letting any of that make into a depressed gloom cookie or pompous ass. It's harder than it looks. On the ice rink, I had humility served two ways.

Pimp My Oatmeal: Episode Two - There's a Fish In My Oats!

I kind of went off the deep end today for an early lunch. I've done savory oatmeals before, and the basic savory oatmeal I like to make is as follows:

1/2 cup Quick Oats

2 tbsp Hummus

Dill, Garlic, or any spices you like

Salt

1 Laughing Cow Cheese Wedge. 

In making this recipe, you put the spices in with oats and when your water has boiled, everything goes into the pool except for the cheese wedge, which goes on top later. 

And now for something completely wacky, and yes I really did eat this today, and yes it was very good. 

1 piece of white fish

1/2 Cup Quick Oats

1 tbsp Hummus

2 tbsp sour cream

a few carrots (they were in the fridge already chopped)

I baked the white fish in a pan in the oven with no calorie cooking spray and dill. I tossed the carrots in the oven with the fish, why not. 

As the fish cooked, I boiled the water on the stove for the oats and added the oats and my spices of choice (dill, chives, salt), then added the hummus and sour cream until the mixture was smooth. When the fish was done, I added the fish and carrots to the mixture. The fish (being done) crumbled and pretty seamlessly integrated itself into the mixture. 

There you have it, fishy oatmeal. It is actually really tasty.

If you do the first recipe without the cheese wedge, it is vegan. 

I don't have any pictures because I ate it all.