How To File A Complaint

If you're like me like I know I am, you have at some point in your line of work dealt with someone complaining about something and you have been the one to have to fix it.

Here are a few tips that I have come up with which detail how to most effectively file a written complaint to a firm with which you have done business and had a disagreement.

• Keep it short but sweet. Perhaps the issue you're complaining about led to various and sundry personal issues. The company does not need to know about these in order to fix your problem, in fact such details are distracting and make it difficult to ascertain what the actual complaint is about.  You may be passionate about how the stress from a situation made you break out in hives, and the representative of the company who addresses your complaint would be sympathetic, but such a disclosure will rarely make a difference in the outcome of your complaint (unless you are complaining to a lotion company.)
• Keep it clear. State the exact outcome you are looking for. Meandering around your request in hopes of getting the company to make an offer makes it difficult to ascertain what type of offer would be beneficial. For example, if complaining to a pizza restaurant that messed up your order, demanding that they "make it right" sounds great, but requesting that they "provide you with a coupon for a free pizza" is a lot more useful.
• Keep it calm and professional. USING ALL CAPS DOES NOT HELP YOUR CASE. Nor does using poor grammar and spelling. If in doubt, use a proofreader. If still in doubt, go back to school.
• Be prepared to compromise. You may not get what you're asking for. Remember that you are complaining to a private business. Most businesses will do what they can to keep their customers, but if a customer is asking for either an excessive monetary settlement or a product they do not carry, the answer will be most likely be no. For example. If you are unhappy that McDonalds no longer has the Beanie Babies in their Happy Meals, it is unlikely that they will be able to produce one for you. If the price of a product or service has recently changed, it is unlikely that you will be given the ability to pay the old price. Private businesses cannot be forced to carry specific products or give away products to customers. Likewise, you cannot be forced to do business with a company who has not served you well. If you don't like Spacely Sprockets, then start buying from Cogswell Cogs.
• If someone calls you back in response to your letter, be nice. Have you ever heard the phrase "you can kill more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"? It's true. So is "don't kill the messenger." That is a living breathing human being on the end of the line whose only goal is to help you. Yelling, swearing, name calling and threatening does not help your case. Extreme threats could get you in trouble with the law in some places, and in many cases that type of behavior is traumatizing to the person on the other end of the line.

As for me, I just don't complain. I vote with my wallet. If you piss me off, I'll go somewhere else. End of story.