Platitudes Can Bite Me

Platitudes bug me. I mean, the funny one's don't - like in Doctor Horrible when Penny says "Everything happens" - but some of the more popular ones bug the crap out of me.

Everything happens for a reason! I do actually believe that many things happen for a reason, and sometimes bad things do lead to good things if you seek it. I also believe that when someone has just endured a trauma, telling them that only makes you a dick. You mean my kid got shot to death at school the other day for a reason? You're a dick. I lost my leg for a reason? You are a dick. I volunteered to serve my country and now my PTSD is so bad that I can't go watch the fireworks show without having an anxiety attack - for a reason? Go away dick, before I shoot you. Don't go telling people that their trauma has a purpose unless you are absolutely damn sure that you can back it up with data. Even then, saying it still pretty much makes you a dick.

<Insert Deity Here> will never give you more than you can handle! I'm calling bullshit on that one. Lots of people get more than they can handle. People die of having more than they can handle. This is why we need people in our lives who can help, and this is why you need to be a person who helps - so that when you get that shit that you can't handle, maybe someone will come to bat for you and help you handle it. Doesn't always work. As I've discovered (vicariously through others, thankfully) just because you help people who you call your friends, does not mean that they are going to return the favor when you get dealt a bad hand.  If your friend is having a hard time, don't tell them "You'll never be given more than you can handle" - ask them how you can help, and be prepared to do something. You may not be able to do what they ask, but even just opening the door and being genuine is a big big plus. You may be able to help in a way you hadn't thought of.Your help may not be required. Just knowing you're there may be enough. I know that there have been times when just knowing that I had a safety net of friends has been enough to sustain me. There is nothing worse than feeling alone.

So yeah. My attitude towards platitudes of course means that I often have no clue what to say when someone is suffering... because I want to be able to be helpful in some way, and I certainly don't want to be a dick.